his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Brb crying the tears of my youth
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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