We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
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