dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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