just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
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