I feel like I'm in dance class right now
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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