Ambien. No doubt about it.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Randomize
