Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
