Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Randomize
