Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
All the doctor said was why
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
