The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Randomize
