he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
