That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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