a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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