i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
