I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
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