Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
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