So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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