the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
