So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
