Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
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