every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
