I think I won the penis lottery.
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
