Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
