Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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