one might say we're banned from that church
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Randomize
