Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
