the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
