It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
