He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
