They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
