Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
