There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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