Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Randomize
