Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
