If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Randomize
