I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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