wanna go halves on a baby?
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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