When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
