there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
