I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
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