Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
He told me they were just razor bumps!
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
