I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
