Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Randomize
