i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
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