Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Randomize
