Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Randomize
