Where are you?
In a non slutty way
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
i think my cat just said my name.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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