I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
Welp...herpes.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
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