i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
