The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
