I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
