he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
