Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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