i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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