Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
