i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Randomize
