my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
