don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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